Seven Major Flaws In The Home Alone Franchise I Didn’t Notice When I Was A Kid

It’s been a few years since I’ve seen either of the Home Alone films (they only made two, and don’t try to tell me otherwise, or you’ll undo all of my therapists’ good work (and yes, that apostrophe is in the correct place)), but I’ve watched both during this festive season. They’re still fantastic, of course, but due to my being a bit older than I was when I last saw them, I’ve found several rather major flaws in the plots.

Obviously, the initial premise of the first film is slightly implausible (spoilers follow, in case you’re one of the four people who haven’t seen the films). Family go on holiday for Christmas, leave son behind. Mum finds it very difficult to get back, while Dad doesn’t seem too fussed. Son thinks he has made his family disappear, but also isn’t overly fussed. Meanwhile, two burglars become obsessed with robbing the house and, despite being more powerful than the kid, receive a sound beating. Mum gets back, all’s well that ends well. It’s pretty unlikely, but we suspend our disbelief on the basis that the film is brilliant. However, I’ve spotted several further questions that seem to remain unanswered (many of them concerning the second film), just to ruin your Christmas.

1. What is Marv’s role?
In terms of the film, his role is clearly defined: comic relief. The idiot, the fall guy, he who makes Joe Pesci’s idiot look mildly less idiotic. But in terms of the Wet Bandits/Sticky Bandits (delete as applicable), he only serves to get them caught and make things worse. Harry is the one who puts in the legwork and comes up with the schemes. It’s implausible enough that he’d partner up with Marv in the first place, but why he doesn’t ditch him as soon as the pair escape prison at the start of the second film is a complete mystery. He’s far more a hindrance than a help, and doesn’t seem as though he’d be too difficult to lose.

2. Why did Kevin’s parents leave him behind again?
Granted, they’re much more careful at the start of the second film, and they’re with him in the airport, but his dad just leaves him looking through the bag for batteries. At the very least, a halfway decent parent would make sure his kid caught up with him before going through the gate. Further, bearing in mind how hysterical (with good reason) his mother was the last time, she would surely check they had everyone before the plane took off, and kicked up a huge stink (again, with good reason) before they could leave him behind again.

3. Why don’t the Sticky Bandits give up?
When Kevin catches them in the act of robbing the toy shop, they chase after him, intent on revenge on the kid who landed them in jail. This is understandable, and they pursue him into the house on the basis that, since it isn’t his house, he can’t have booby-trapped it. However, since it quickly becomes clear that he has, it would make sense for them to leave. There’s no rational reason to keep going after him (i.e. they have nothing material to gain), and they might as well go back to the toy shop to get their loot. But no; they pursue Kevin through the house and risk almost certain death (see below) for nothing.

4. Why don’t the Wet/Sticky Bandits die?
Although it’s all done in a comedic slapstick manner, the amount of physical abuse they take in the two showdowns is easily enough to kill them, or at least permanently disfigure them. They’ve already beaten the odds by surviving the first time, so for both to make it through the second ordeal alive is beyond implausible.

5. How do his parents not know about last year?
Although technically Kevin might not have done anything illegal (booby trapping his own house), there’s no way the police wouldn’t at least need to speak to his parents about what happened. Even if they didn’t, there’s no way he could have disposed of all the evidence overnight, and there would have been plenty of news coverage. There’s absolutely no way he could have kept it from them, and, knowing what happened, they would be even less likely to allow the same thing to happen again.

6. Why on earth is Kevin’s older brother named Buzz?
I could understand if it were his younger brother, but what happened here? They couldn’t think of a real name they liked enough to call their first-born son, so they named him Buzz. Then, when Kevin came along, they remembered a reasonable human name. It doesn’t really add to the story, so there’s no logical reason he couldn’t have been called Steve or Charlie or Mick or Gavin or Ted or Daniel or Billy. (I’ve got loads more of these if you want to hear them.)

7. How did both his shopping bags burst at the same moment?
I might be scraping the barrel a tad here, but really, what are the chances that both shopping bags Kevin is carrying will burst at the same time? Moreover, if they’re both packed so full that they burst, a small child would not be able to carry them along the road with such apparent ease. This stinks of the writers/director/producers throwing in a cheap laugh without considering the highly damaging effect it would have on the franchise.

Well, I hope I’ve successfully ruined your favourite Christmas film (if your favourite Christmas film is Die Hard, then congratulations, that one is absolutely bullet-proof). Stay tuned for my next list: Seven Possible Reasons They Definitely Never Made A Third Home Alone Film (preview below).

1. After losing Kevin on two separate holidays, his parents don’t let him out of their sight again until he is 30.
2. Kevin’s parents divorced soon after the events of the second film due to his mum being appalled by his dad’s uncaring attitude.
3. Uncle Frank, who provided much of the comedy/tension, was never invited to another McCallister family gathering, due to being an awful, awful person.
4. Kevin spent years in intensive therapy due to trauma.
5. Buzz spent years in intensive therapy due to being an awful, awful person.
6. Macaulay Culkin spent years in intensive therapy for reasons upon which I shan’t speculate here
7. They examined the two films and realised that, even if they could get all the original actors on board, there was no way they could make a third film that wouldn’t detract from the brilliance of the first two, so they just left it there and never made any more and we all lived happily ever after with an undestroyed film franchise (see Die Hard, A Good Day To).

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.